Find Your Word
In the middle of December, I decided to end the year on a contemplative and focused note. At the recommendation of Emily from Makelight, I started Susannah Conway's Find Your Word mini 5 day course. I had planned on starting the day one, 11 minute guided meditation in a quiet and uninterrupted surrounding.
However, as it happens with families with littles, Raphaël started his nap strike that day. curse words! Ok... I thought, what the heck. It's only 11 minutes. He can play cars, or even listen along while I still experience the meditation myself. This is real life after all. We can do this. So I hit play.
"What's this fing?" Raph asked as he pointed at my laptop.
"Guided meditation." I said with a deep purposeful sigh. "Let's listen."
A few deep breaths, I closed my eyes and took another lung full and pheewwww let it out, bringing my attention to where Susannah told me to, my toes. I could feel Raph's face close to mine. His sweet breath on my cheek. He gently grabbed on to my eyelashes and gave a sharp tug.
"No close eyes! No nugh-night!" He was starting to panic at the thought of having to nap. I reassured him it's all part of the meditaion. It's ok. No nugh-night. "Come sit next to Mama."
By now, Susannah was past the toes, finished with relaxing the legs and somewhere up (down?) the arm. Why I didn't stop there, I don't know. But I felt determined to do this while Raph flopped himself on my legs and rocked back and forth on my knee caps.
I can do this I thought. I've meditated in India where lions roared frightneingly in the background. A little interruption from a toddler isn't going to stop me. I launched Raph off my legs and told him to find his Uncle Mike cars. My brother, my son's new BFF, had sent Hot Wheels in the mail recently. That's all it took to send Raph off running to find them.
I caught up quickly relaxing the rest of my body. Hip? Breath? Relax. Leg? Check. Ok. Susannah's soft voice carried through. I felt relaxed again. And dare I say focused. As we got to the head, I felt a small finger jam into the depths of my left ear. "Uncle. Mike. Cars." I whisper-hissed. And he was off again. We were halfway through the visualization. Commit I thought. Ok and relax jaw.
With my attention back on to her words, I focussed on what would be the ideal day for me in 2018. I see myself in a white blouse, with high waisted black cotton cigarette pants. Cute outfit, I thought. I can't help but notice I am a few inches taller in this vision. Where I am i is unclear. I feel I could have been in a studio with lots of beautiful natural light. I was doing something creative. With other people around me working on something together. When I came back home at the end of my visualized day, the kids were happy to see me and me them. I felt accomplished.
And there it was. Accomplished. I'm not sure how or doing what, but that word is what hit home. By then, the audio had finished.
I worked on Find your Word over the next 4 days and came up with other words that resonated with me and what they mean for me:
- Home - Centre earth. Where we all come back to and feel loved, safe and warm.
- Clarity - A clear focus. This word makes me feel eager and excited, impatient but also like I am pushing free through the fog.
- Align - When the stars line up. When life, family, love, projects, cooperates and co-ordinates.
- Glow - Warmth. Love-filled. Cozy. Happy and heart-filling. The feeling I want in my home, with my work, with my husband and my kids.
They all are going to be important focus for me as I figure out where I take myself while the kids are in school. Being a stay at home mom for 8 years now, I have started to come back round to a sense of self again. And while I am not certain what I will be doing with my creative self, I know that I want to feel accomplished when doing it. I want to feel a job well done, a day well spent.
Writing again on Little Sweet Spots and joining in on online courses, completing the tasks and challenges that are dished out have me feeling accomplished.
So, I put it out there to you? What is your word or focus for 2018? How do you come about finding it?